Lest I leave everyone hanging after my last post, let me dive back in and say that everything’s fine. No, it’s better than fine. Let me ‘xplain

The night I wrote my last blog entry, my little dude didn’t sleep. Again. So the morning of my session, I was in a mood. Some of the words that come to mind are cranky, tired, exhausted, whining, frustrated, angry, and a whole host of other ones, but I think you get the drift. And a dangerous emotional place for me that really starts coming out after about 3 nights of no sleep. Among other things, even I’m aware of having a very flat affect. I’m just too tired/frustrated/scared/depressed to care about anything. Sleep’s a funny thing…

So I mentioned all of this to my dominant, nearly telling him that I just couldn’t do this, but stopping short and leaving it in his hands. Sweetheart that he is, he mentioned something about a sub care night and masssage. Yummy. :)

Through the day my mood bounced around quite a bit. And that curious water rule…

The flat affect and just totally drained feeling got me to a place where, I wasn’t intending to test him on the water thing (though I question my motivation in retrospect); I simply felt too drained and tired to care. It wasn’t a digging in my heels kind of brat mood – just simply not enough of anything in me , as I put it then, to actually give a shit about drinking water, or the consequences for ignoring that.

I texted him at some point asking if I could have a pass for water that day. I’ve unfortunately reset the software on my cell phone, so I can’t quote exactly what went back and forth as I had intended. One quote is rather firmly embedded in my mind, though; I havce a feeling you can get the gist of the conversation with just this tasty morsel. He texted, “I’d rather spank your ass than break it.”

You figured out that one too?

I did, in fact, divert to Target, pick up a few water bottles, and start chugging…and the elevation in my mood by the time I was there probably had nothing to do with it, right? (And then the sadist made me *wait* to pee…including while he pressed on my belly. Damn!)

It wasn’t so much that I had the brat type energy where I was testing; I do think there was probably a different sort of testing going on, though. It was a place of, “this is hard, I’m having a hard time, and I don’t want to.” Which he was well aware of, was only trying to make me take care of myself, and to experience that I will be held to taking care of myself and following the rules he’s set down for me, even when the going gets tough. (and, let’s not forget, it’s only flipping water!) More than anything, I really wanted the experience of knowing that when my world is swirling out of control, he is there to provide some of that control when I simply can’t. And that is a very, very good thing.

Did I mention it was fun, too? There was a long lovely climax during flogging… :)

[setcontentedsigh=on]

Blessings,
Raven